Thank Science, Dude

Thank science, brother. The election finally happened dude and my man "Hell"ary beat that ungrateful minstral uncle Tomboma dude. We paid off everybody in this corn-fed state. I even personally delivered cash, drugs, and handjobs to quite a few Dems in this state to make sure my Beloved prevailed, dude.

Despite the dominating victory, I am still suffering like my last visit to the proctologist--when they ran out of KY, dude. The next stop for me will be trips to another Jesus loving, crap hole, Indiana--I gave Capt. Redneck the responsibility to make sure Tombama is defeated in Carolina, jack. Though at least after today, I can finally leave the PA shithole, jack. Though I need to move slow. My beloved celebrated her electoral victory by putting on her favorite strap-on and she decided to have her way with me dude. Then she forced me to do vodka anus shots from her ass, brother. I think I know how my personal slave, Fanuci feels, brother. Though rape by a strap-on is a small price to pay dude. The end result will be worth it. Abortions for everyone, emptied prisons, legalized drugs and raised taxes, jack. That's the dream that keeps the Democrats going, dude. And I see the Heavens have just now come into proper alignment. This is where my power lies, brother. Right here in my anus, dude and that's where all my best ideas for the Democrats come from, jack. God Socialist created the Democrats, brother, he created the blue collar idiots who vote for Dems! God Socialist created Hillary! Then, he created Libotine, brother! After Hillary becomes emperor, I can leave wrestling forever dude and retire in God's paradise, Detroit, with the title around my waist, forever. What'cha gonna do, when the Hillary, the Libotine, and my anus run wild on you, brother, What'cha gonna do?